Dear Pregnant Friend

Dear Pregnant Friend,

I know you were scared to tell me.

Allow me to explain my view so you can understand that deep down, I am actually happy for you.

Yes, I’m jealous of you. Because a few months ago, I was pregnant, too. I know the feelings you’re experiencing. The excitement, the fear. That little human you’re growing is changing your life already. I want you to enjoy every single second of this. But, yes, I am jealous of you.

Can you blame me, though? I created life, too. I should be tired with you, and I am. Instead, I’m tired now because I am awoken constantly with the thought of my dead child.

My wish for you is to never feel this pain. I will take it on for you. But, yes, I am jealous of you.

I’ll watch you in envy as your belly begins to grow. I’ll remember the little kicks that my River used to throw. He was quite the strong little dude, he made it pretty hard to breathe. But, when you feel frustrated because you’re awoken from the kicks, be grateful that you’re not awoken from the memory of them.

I miss my boy, so very much. I miss how he used to roll around after supper and would push my hand when I laid it on the top of my belly. He is such a sweet little boy and I wish so bad he was here with me. I am not wanting you to feel bad, I am here to bring you awareness. We are not invincible. As a mother, our priority is to protect our babies and we do one hell of a job doing so.

But, sometimes our bodies fail us. It’s not our fault.

I am jealous of you.

The bliss you’re experiencing is the same emotions I went through. Weeks left in my pregnancy and I was counting down the days until I got to meet my mini. I am not expecting this to happen to you. I am simply warning you that there are many moms in my shoes, we look at you in envy.

My advice for you – when your baby is born and you have those moments of annoyance or exhaustion, imagine what it could have been. Imagine the other moms who came home empty-handed. Imagine the dreadful life without that.

I want you to go through this pregnancy with delight and happiness. But, I never want you to wake up not grateful for where you stand. There’s a whole community of mama’s who want what you have, I promise. So, be very happy. Enjoy this. Smile and take that picture.

In the meantime, friend, yes, I am jealous of you.